Delivery Diaries: The Podcast
Delivery Diaries: The Podcast
Closing Out Filipino American History Month: Ask Dr. Abby, Fil-Am Mom, 3 Kids, Breaking Generational Patterns, Spicy BBQ, a Cuban Sandwich & Olive Garden Bread Sticks
Mabuhuy! Greetings!
We are closing out Filipino American History Month with a special guest, a Filipino American mother who I grew up with in Tampa Bay, FL., Ate Abby or should we say Dr. Abby Loreto Hamilton.
Dr. Abby is an Industrial/Organizational Psychologist and a Speaker on Unconscious Bias, Assertiveness & Emotional Intelligence. She’s a mom of three kids, all grown up now, yet she makes sure they are not seeking ‘mommy points’ from her and are living happy and empowered lives.
In this episode we talk about non-medicated births, how each kid represented a special food and we break down the generational patterns that work and the ones that no longer serve us on this experience of modern motherhood. Dr. Abby lays it all out on the table. Get ready to pee your pants from laughter and listen to what Dr. Abby means when she talks about ‘poop on a podcast’.
Follow Her:
Instagram: @abbyhamilton333
YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCF-NW3anm-6GN9bqIufmLw
Dr. Abby’s TEDx Talk Episodes: https://www.ted.com/search?q=dr.%20abby%20hamiltoin
Get her books!
- Speak Up, Anak: Assertiveness Strategies for Filipino Americans
- Faith, Trust, and Pizza Crust: Finding God in Everyday Things
New episodes available every Thursday! FOLLOW US!
You can also watch full podcast episodes here on our YouTube page.
LIKE & SUBSCRIBE:
https://youtu.be/Lfodthxojm0
To contact us, message & follow us on:
Instagram - @deliverydiaries
Brandy Breth: Happy belated birthday. You to both of us. To you. And just so you guys know, Abby's starting to, she's gonna have her birthday party today, so she's on the East Coast and we're on the West Coast. So, um, again, we're so grateful that you can be on with us, on this special day. I'm so excited. Yeah. It actually, actually it's a good distraction.
Brandy Breth: Oh, where is it at? Is it at the Bayanihan? Okay, I grew up with Abby but I got to really know the adult Abby.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Mm-hmm.
Brandy Breth: Like the career cuz obviously I see when I come home to Florida and we're all with the families and celebrations and parties and then, um, you know, I see your kids and you know, with you and, uh, your family and. And then I'm on Clubhouse. I'm like, Wait, I know this woman talking in our Filipino chat rooms. That was really awesome. And then to know you in a different, um, uh, arena, if you will, that was amazing. And I'm really happy to really be a part of this world of Abby. Ate [00:01:00] Abby, Actually, you are the person who like validated my clubhouse activity. Like I could tell people like Joey, that. Brandy's on it, you know, then it was not a weird thing that Dr. Abby was doing. It was like, I know legit, because Brandy's on it too.
Yes, yes, I know. I was like, Do it everyone. Um, I just wanted to put in real quick, because we could go so many ways with you, Abby.obviously the focus is your family and, the making of your family, the creation and your experiences of delivery, like prenatal, postpartum, and birth. but like, just part of, um, interweaving the culture and the heritage and growing up and raising a family or knowing you wanted to be a family inside of your Filipino heritage and culture and generational curses or generational things that worked and didn't work. All that, and I know you've had those conversations before The questions you had really took me to a different place. They're different than anything I ever have been asked before and. [00:02:00] Oh gosh. Yeah. This is a really great experience for me too. Thanks for doing this.
Flo Speakman: Awesome.
Brandy Breth: Thanks for being here, Abby.
Flo Speakman: Yes. Thanks for being here. Doctor. Is, are you, do you go by Dr. Abby or Dr. Hamilton?
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Dr. Abby. Oh, Abby. So it's just kind of weird.
Brandy Breth: I know. So we'll even do this for the listeners and viewers. We didn't call her Ate Abby, but I, we knew her as an a and of course, um, uh, that's who I always saw you as being, you know, the, um, peer of my older cousins and growing up with you. Um, and growing up in the Filipino Performing Arts Company of Tampa Bay, But on this episode, I, If I call you, I'll call you Dr. Abby's slips.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: You can call me, call me whatever you want. It's fine.
Flo Speakman: I, I mean, I'm, I'm gonna call you Dr. Abby. I mean
Brandy Breth: Okay.
Flo Speakman: You stood, you stood in front of a bunch of people and gave a dissertation. I, I think I, I think I have to call you Dr. Abby. So
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Ate Abby might make it more Filipino [00:03:00] American History Month. I'll own that. I'll own it. Okay, great. so many places of where to begin, and this is new for me. Ate Abby is learning about your, um, Yeah. Your experience as motherhood.
Brandy Breth: That journey. And you have three kids, so that could be three hours of this episode, but we're not.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Yeah, I try be too long, but I'll, I'll give some insights so.
Flo Speakman: Yeah, I do have a question. I'm always fascinated by this. How long after, getting married did you guys start your family? Like what, like was it a year, two years, five years? We got married in 95 to 96. So it was just about like a year and a half, And it, it just worked like this. I was completely on the pill. No plans yet. Uh, of course I wanted to have a, a baby when I was five, you know, and then when I first met my husband, it was like, Oh, I wish I'll have babies with you. You know, like I was, I was a [00:04:00] motherly type even when I was younger, so,
Even if I had a crush on a guy, I would like imagine being his wife with my children, you know, immediately.
Flo Speakman: Aww.
We had not really made an official decision, but about a year and a half. Something like that. Mm-hmm. Um, I, maybe it was a year, I went on a trip and I had forgotten to refill my, birth control pill. So I was like, Oh shoot, I don't have anything, you know, I don't have my birth control. And then I was like, how about I don't refill it.
Brandy Breth: ha.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: And he's like, Okay. And then we'll just see, cuz it could be years, right? Some people, you know? And, and it took right away. So yeah, Taylor was made.
Flo Speakman: That is awesome. And then the spacing of your kids, was it intentional?
Abby Loreto Hamilton: No. No, actually I remember when Ifound out that I was possibly pregnant with Christopher, my mom [00:05:00] said, Abigail why? Cause
Brandy Breth: Why?
Abby Loreto Hamilton: 22 months apart when they were, they were 22 months apart. So I had a one year old, I mean, when I was pregnant, she was one year and one month, you know, And it was like, you still have a baby? Like, why are you having another baby? Cause I remember
Brandy Breth: thought that be very filipino-esque to keep having more baby
Abby Loreto Hamilton: I don't know. Maybe not in my family, so.
Brandy Breth: Okay.
Taylor was still so new and then Christopher and Ryan were three years apart.
Brandy Breth: Mm-hmm.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: So it's two years and three years. Ryan was, an accident. I don't remember. You have to remember that I just turned 50, so there was, there's gonna be a lot of blanks in the map here. And which is.
Flo Speakman: That's funny. We just, we just recorded mine and after listening to it, I'm like, Oh, I have to do like disclaimers and corrections. Like I've never, because because memory is so crazy. Right? Like, it was, you know, it was [00:06:00] 12 years ago and, and so even like, It's, it's, it's pretty spectacular.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Yeah. Ryan the 25 years ago.
Brandy Breth: Yeah. you had two children already and you're married, you're, Yeah. So, Oops. Okay, great.
We had a board escape, which does not fit three across the back. It was like, you know, this is the,
Brandy Breth: It's logistics.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Yeah.
Brandy Breth: You know, people think, think about that.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Yeah.
Flo Speakman: Yeah. Did you have to get a minivan then?
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Oh yes, yes. We got, a minivan for a little bit and then we got to, to go up to a Sequoia, which had a whole back seat and we had all our friends kids and all of that, so
Brandy Breth: That's so cute.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: It was a fun time. But um, with Ryan it was, we had to move to a new house then so they could each have their own room. We had to give up the boat cuz it was like boat, our third child.
Brandy Breth: Oh,
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Okay. Third child.
Flo Speakman: Decisions.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Yeah, it was.
Flo Speakman: So these are tough decisions.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Yeah, we couldn't keep both, so [00:07:00] yeah, it was Different things. Ryan, was it then.
We used to go, plug in at a docks day overnight. and then when I got pregnant I could barely go on it because it was just like a lot of carrying all our stuff in. Yeah, of course. And all bouncing and we are just wanted to be careful. So it's.
Brandy Breth: Um, so spicy food seems like a trend now because, or at least Flo we just did her delivery diary. She's talking about the garlic beef fry.
Flo Speakman: Mm-hmm.
Brandy Breth: And then you're messaging me, Abby, about, what was it? It was spicy food that kind of did the trick. What, what was it again? Yes. Uh, so I, with Taylor right.
and it's so funny cuz I was just talking to my best friend from high school, she's Indian and she goes, I remember you would have mixed pickle, which I don't know if you know what mixed pickle is, but it's like an Indian thing. and you would jump up and down and I kept asking you, Does that work? And I was like, I don't know, but I'm gonna drop. So I did the Mexican, I did hot sauce.
Brandy Breth: Oh my God.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: [00:08:00] Then, none of it worked. And then
Brandy Breth: mm-hmm.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: it was the rehearsal dinner of my best friend, who by the way, was smart enough not to put me in the wedding cuz I was due like oh, three days after the wedding. Yeah. and her Popo, which is her, husband's father has this famous barbecue he makes and it's super spicy. So I never thought of spicy barbecue, but he made this barbecue. It was Popo's barbecue. And that night after the rehearsal dinner, I was like, Oh gosh, why did I eat that? I, I spent like two hours on the, on the toilet, just like trying to figure out what's wrong with my stomach.
I'm having indigestion and mm-hmm. ,I thought if I just stayed on the toilet long enough, I, I would feel better. Um, but then at some point I felt like I'm, I'm hurting the baby by how much I'm pushing, right? Mm-hmm. , because I was trying to um, go to the bathroom and I was like, Oh no, I think I hurt the baby, cuz now it hurts in the front.[00:09:00]
Abby Loreto Hamilton: So I. I have to go to the hospital because it hurt so much. It hurt so much. I hurt the baby because I was trying to poop, you know? And then Mark, I started getting dressed. Mark was like, Where are you going? I was like, I don't know. I have to go to the doctor because I have to go to the hospital three o'clock in the morning.
When I get there, the ladies, I was like, I'm trying to go to the bathroom, and I think I hurt the baby. And she's like, Honey, are you pregnant because you're at the women's hospital? And I was like, Yes. Yeah. And it turned into me on the pot, in the delivery room, on the potty, and all of them surrounding me to observe how I, And it was more like, and, and this is how they knew what was happening. I was like, See, it hurts. It hurts. You know? I was holding my belly. It hurts so much. It hurts. And then I was like, see, it really hurts. I don't know what I've see. It hurts. It hurts , you know?[00:10:00]
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Whoa, these are like waves. And so they said, Let's sticker on the bed and flip over, figure it out. And they were like, Whoa, this is happening. 36 minutes later she was born.
Flo Speakman: Oh my goodness.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Yeah.
Flo Speakman: So this, so, so you didn't know that you were having contractions?
Abby Loreto Hamilton: No, I was trying to poop.
Brandy Breth: Yes. It was the food.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: I'm afraid have saying poop on a podcast. This is happening.
Brandy Breth: But this is where we keep it real. People need to know.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Right.
Brandy Breth: Mommy's and women.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: It's part of the delivering.
Well does Taylor like spicy food now?
Abby Loreto Hamilton: um, yeah, I guess so. she loves kimchi now and yeah, she likes spicy food.
That's so cute. Mm-hmm. So did you have had plans, Did you actually have a birth plan? Because whether you did or not, it went out the window, cuz 36 minutes later no epidural. Yeah. All na natural work. Yeah.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Everything was planned because if you know me, I'm just, I'm , I'm super organized and, um, at that time [00:11:00] there was no internet. Or at least it was just starting. I used to go to the library and check every book out about having, babies. And then I flipped to that one section about like what to do at delivery time and, and how to plan and how to pack on every book.
So I was like, Oh, okay. And then I go to the next book, checking to make sure there was not something in that book, that wasn't in the first book. So then I made my own list with
Brandy Breth: Cross reference.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Yeah, I have like one of these, you know, uh, what is it? Fear of missing out, Fear of better offers, You know, where you think there's something more to know and you needed to know, from every book from other people.
we had, VHS movies ready to put into the VCR at the hospital because they had, a TV for you. I had a cassette player with batteries in it because I wanted lullabys playing when she was born. And all twenty four seven in our room, in our hospital room. I wanted [00:12:00] Lullaby's playing. Now you could just pull up, pull up your cell phone. So, um, I had bought cassette tapes. I had,
Brandy Breth: Did you hear that everyone, Gen Genners, uh, cassette tapes thing used to listen to audio on that. for our listeners, our gens, our Gen Zs and our gen Y's and our gen
Abby Loreto Hamilton: don't know cassette is Google. Go to Google Images and hey um, I know, right? Go to your clothes, go to your, this museum or antique store, .
Brandy Breth: No, I mean that I meant that's great because you, the, the planning you had, I mean, yes. I mean, I think that's great because you used your resources. Mm-hmm. I mean, whether that's your type A or type or personality, it's, it's, mm-hmm. you used your resources cuz you wanted to be empowered it sounded like. Yeah. Or you just wanna be knowledgeable or did anyone, did anyone in your family or friends just even talk to you or did anything pass down [00:13:00] any advice to you besides you looking things up?
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Out of all my friends, I was the second one to have a baby.
Brandy Breth: Okay.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Yeah, because I had a baby when I was 24. 20. Mm-hmm. , uh, 25, No, 24. Um, so all our friends from college weren't even dating the person they would marry. You know, I, I dated Mark in college, so one of my sorority sisters had had a son, so she told me all the things she did and passed down things to me. Of course your mother always tells you stuff based on what she did when you were little, so. Mm-hmm.
Flo Speakman: Some mothers, not all others. Yeah. I mean, my mother did, but, but I don't think all mothers tell stuff.
Brandy Breth: You know, my mom, and of course, you know, my mom, uh, yeah. And so it's just like, I, I didn't even know about her birth experience until I was pregnant.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Oh,
Brandy Breth: I mean, I'm like 38, 37, so I'm an adult, but yet we're not having these conversations. Oh mom, by the way, tell me how, you know, it was when you birthed me in [00:14:00] Joy, but it was until I was pregnant that I got this profound connection to her cuz then that opened it up. Was that like with your mom or not like you don't have to have a profound connection, but did she share then when you were pregnant? this is my version of what I thought my mom did. She's a doctor, so she was working at the hospital and she felt like she needed to give birth. So she went up to the fifth floor, she gave birth and then she went back to work.
That's so matter of fact.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: There was no like, oh my God. Um, I think the doc, Oh yeah, she just told me though yesterday, she just told me this, when I was telling her about this, she told me that her doctor Her mentor had taught her that if a mother is in delivery for 16 hours, you must not let her, surpass that time. You must do a C-section right away. So, Wow. So actually as her professor in the Philippines, so when she was in the Philippines giving birth to my sister, [00:15:00] that professor, was at the hospital and she said, Doctor, I wanna cesarean.
He said, Why? What is your reason? And she said, Because you taught us after 16 hours, you should not have a, mother keep giving birth because it's, too stressful for the body. So, um, he. , you learned your lesson. Okay, I will grant this c-section with you. And so same thing when, when it came to me, she was in labor for a long time and she told her doctor there in New York, cuz I was born in New York, that I need have a c-section cuz she was giving birth too long.
and then the only other thing I've known this story for a long time is that dad showed up late after I was already born and mom was in the recovery room because she had the C-section, and she wasn't with the baby. And when daddy woke her up, she said, Sorry, daddy, and he said, What, what, what, what happened to the baby? And she said, It's [00:16:00] not the boy.
Flo Speakman: Oh, I can relate to that.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Well, middle child, not a boy. That explains all my self-esteem issues and yeah, the reason that like I have to like speak up and be assertive and you know, like break out of that whole, you are not what we wanted and all that, so.
Brandy Breth: Mm-hmm. Yeah. It came right out the door. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Okay. So then a couple things then, just to go back. So your mom, cause I thought your mom like pushed you out and then went back to work. She had major abdominal surgery and you're saying when did she go back?
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Oh, no, I was just kidding. That's just my, that was my, that was my perception because I didn't
Brandy Breth: Oh, your perception, But I'm thinking like in survival.
I didn't really think about that detail. I just know that she was working and she was like, I think I'm having my baby now. And she went up to the fifth floor, whatever floor it was.
Brandy Breth: Alright. Sorry, I missed that. If it's early. No, but the thought of like, I went right into the, the stereotype of our moms, of our culture. Like, get [00:17:00] back Right to work or survival. This is it. Don't even think about postpartum.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Yeah.
Brandy Breth: What Postpartum depression? What is that? What is that? You know, I think, yeah. I just went right into, in real time, I went right into how generational, like
Abby Loreto Hamilton: mm-hmm.
Brandy Breth: drama generational.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: They would never let us know what is that all about? Oh, 'lakas ng loób' 'inner strength'. 'Strength from within' 'Do not let them see you be weak'. So maybe that's what it was. Suck it up. Be strong. Don't let anybody know your moment of weakness.
Brandy Breth: Mmmm.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Yeah. And I mean, I'm gonna go super into it, but that's all in my studying, that's all from colonial mentality. put your own things aside and, and just keep doing it. And that's the conversation that's being had, whether Gen X, Gen Z, all of it. It's really being aware of what are the, um, what can we break, what are the generational habits or generational trauma that we can break the cycle. [00:18:00] Yeah. And so that's, part of this conversation of motherhood. Right. And so, and it may not, you may not have been present to it. I don't know. That's why we're talking and having this amazing conversation. Mm-hmm. but just connecting that. You know that, that a whole idea of inner strength and, don't let 'em see you sweat kind of deal. I mean, that's, also very Midwestern, right? I mean, it's not, it's not specifically in that used in that way, but it's, it's definitely like, in sort of that. . But yeah, it's, it's so interesting how we've changed, right? Brandy, like how we're like mm-hmm. opening up and, and Dr. Abby, your work is, is, you know, just a little bit. I've seen, and I'm gonna go on a deeper dive, um, this week, but it's, I, I don't have a lot to say because it's just, it's so fascinating to listen to I'm, I'm just, excited that, that we're doing this.
Yeah, cuz Flo and I, we really go and share with our, um, you know, our guests. We're here to be curious mm-hmm. and engaged and take it from there too. [00:19:00] Mm-hmm. . Uh, so, uh, Christopher, I'll just dive to Christopher the second. The middle child, right?
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Middle child.
Brandy Breth: Okay.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: So
Brandy Breth: Were you very delicate with that, by the way? Cause he is the middle child.
because I was a middle child, Christopher, get everything first. He was the first person to had a cell phone. Mm-hmm. Christopher got, um, what was, every time we do anything, it was always like, Christopher, you shall be the holder of the cell phone for your brother and sister, but it will be yours, you know, and it, um, or if Oh yeah, on our . Life insurance, he says it, he, he like flaunts it. We have three. . So, um, it's 33%, 33% and 34%. 34 , four
Flo Speakman: That's amazing.
Brandy Breth: Wow.
Flo Speakman: That's amazing.
Brandy Breth: Yeah, that's so cool. I have the second child syndrome, that's why as a second child, you know, and so Sophia, I make sure she has everything that the older [00:20:00] child has and that she doesn't have to be totally independent. Like I was
Abby Loreto Hamilton: yeah.
Brandy Breth: Like, you know, No, no baby book and you know, like, Oh my God,
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Yeah.
Brandy Breth: I don't even have her, you know, footprint yet of a newborn, so I'm kind of slacking, but that's the things I think about. Um, Yeah. Yeah.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: And so lemme say something about that from experience. Do not beat yourself up about this stuff. Like the footprint thing. I mean, I was like, I need to get that stone thing in the garden that you have to imprint the child's, you know, that whole thing. I, I always thought, you know, I had, that was my measure. These things were the measure of my being a good mom. You have to just be what you are, love with all your heart and do what you can do. You're right. Taylor has three photo albums of her first year. Christopher has whatever he was, I don't know. He, he was in the [00:21:00] background when we could, you know, like
So, um, yeah, so Christopher, Christopher was, we. We went to the hospital, he was Oh, yeah. Because the first one came so fast. They said, I have an easy cervix, so your next one will be, um, induced.
Brandy Breth: Mm-hmm.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Because the second we induce, you'll, you'll have that baby. Um, with Taylor also, I was three centimeters dilated for three whole weeks. And so it was kind of like the worst torture in the world to have everyone call you. Gosh. Like, so, and my husband and I have a story where he called me and he was like, So anything. and I said, no. And he was like, Hell, zippo. And I went. So now he tries an Alpo, like he, it's a joke. Um, so, so when you I
Flo Speakman: have one, I went, Sorry to interrupt, but I have one question. So Taylor, how, how many weeks were you when Taylor was born? [00:22:00]
Abby Loreto Hamilton: I was three days away from my, I. Um, Okay.
Flo Speakman: But had been three centimeters dilated since like 37 weeks. That's crazy. Yes.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: That's painful. Yeah. I mean, we told people at work, they're like, That's broke. They're walking around like, all open or this is our throat, you throw centimeters.
It's
Brandy Breth: like this much, it's like, Okay, so Christopher was scheduled and so we showed up at the hospital. No, they called us in the morning and they said, um, we're gonna have to push you off because we had too many deliveries last night. And so now you, And I'm like, you can't, this was the day and so . So we, um, they said, Okay, fine. Show up about one o'clock. , something like that. Show up later, not eight o'clock in the morning. And, we'll see what we could do. So we got there and they're like, Oh, it's gonna be another like two hours before we can even get you in a bed.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: So that women's hospital used to have Tampa Bay Center, which is now One Buck Place. Oh, Oh, yeah. the Buccaneers, uh, Tampa Bay Buccaneers [00:23:00] office, but it used to be a mall. So my mom, Yeah. And my husband and I walked the mall . we picked some stuff to buy then we went back and then they started, uh, putting, you know, uh, what is it doing?
The Pitocin thing? Mm-hmm. . And they said, you know, we're gonna, we're gonna up it by a certain amount every so often, every hour or so, and then just see when it finally gets high enough and it'll, you'll go right in. So it was like one o'clock two o'clock, three o'clock, four o'clock. After work, all my friends already planned to come to see the baby, which was still not born. And um, and they knew that I wanted Cuban food cuz I, I, someone had brought me Cuban food when Taylor was born and I was like, Oh, I love that. So someone got me Picadillo, which I wanted, and then they ended up buying Cuban sandwiches for everybody. So when giving birth, you cannot eat. Yet, all my friends [00:24:00] were lining the room, like it was some house party or something. just eating Cuban sandwiches. Oh, the whole,
Brandy Breth: The young pregnancy. I know they, in your twenties. These young people, like, I had no idea
Flo Speakman: Torture.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: They were having just the best time. And then, um, and Mark was, we were all socializing and everything seemed fine and then all of a sudden one of the contractions was bad and I was like, Ooh, that was not a good. And I was like, I think I need everybody to leave now. So Mark walked them all out. Mm-hmm. was the food. Did they leave the food? I think so much. From who? Right. . Did they leave the food? Uh, they left food for me because soon as I possibly could, but um, Yeah, I know, right? It's all about the food. No, but he decided to walk them out and be a kind host and he left me in the room by myself.
Brandy Breth: Mm-hmm.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: for [00:25:00] contractions. And I'm like,
Brandy Breth: Oh, no,
Abby Loreto Hamilton: and then he came back, of course I yelled at him and then 30 minutes later Christopher was born. So from first bad contraction where you feel like I my world has just been changed to birth was about 30 minutes too. Yeah. He was born at nine forty six, I think.
Flo Speakman: Quick, right?
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Yeah, it was, it was very quick. One thing about him was that his, umbilical cord was somehow wrapped around his shoulder a little bit. they were able to free him. And then when he was born, he didn't cry and were like,
Flo Speakman: Oh, that's terrifying.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: What's going on? so they were trying to clear his pathways and all that. And then finally you heard the, the scream. it was a scary like minute or two. my mom, was videotaping, or Mark was videotaping when he was getting, cleaned and you could see this one dot in the center of his chest that was just like all the way pushed in. So we were very [00:26:00] concerned, you know, we watched that, we're like, What's happening to our son? He's fine now. He's 23. Mm-hmm. Graduating from college and it's fine. But, um, that was really, that was really stressful. His, his is really more like the Cuban sandwich story. And the other one was,
Brandy Breth: Well, that is Florida, when I land in Tampa. Where's the Cuban sandwich in? Oh yeah. Cuban Coffee.
my husband went to college in Jacksonville and, we're Cuban Sandwich fans in this house. So yeah.
Um, the thing with, let's see the big story with Christopher. I don't know if your doctor told you this, but. My doctor said, Listen, if a baby gets sick has a fever in the first eight weeks of their life, you have to rush them to the hospital right away because it could be meningitis or the common cold, and a baby can't fight it on their own. You have to treat for meningitis immediately. Did they tell you that?
Brandy Breth: Um, I remember that. I don't remember. No. Yeah. [00:27:00] Was it back?
Abby Loreto Hamilton: This is ancient times. I forgot. So here's the thing. Seven and a half weeks. I decided to take Taylor to Citrus Park Mall because I was done.
I was done staying in, and I took her at seven and a half weeks to the mall. She ended up getting something. she was only a few days from the eight week mark, but the doctor said it's black and white. You have to bring her straight to the hospital. So she had to get hooked up to IV, she had to get all the antibiotics. And so with Christopher, we were like, We are not going anywhere. then,someone who's close to me asked if she could drop off her baby, who was similar in age, about six months, five months younger, while she went and did something. I figured, what's the big deal about two infants, you know, being in their separate carriers, I can feed bottles or whatever. I was still on maternity leave, so, um, Christopher was [00:28:00] about three weeks old. I didn't know. But that lady knew that her daughter had a fever.
Brandy Breth: Oh, Oh gosh.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Christopher ended up spending Christmas Eve in the hospital and
Brandy Breth: oh my gosh.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: One of your questions in your email to me mentioned this, and I didn't wanna bring this up, mark had to take care of Taylor. So my mom stayed in the hospital with me because in our family unit, no one stays in the hospital alone. Right. So, mom stayed with me, but mom was stressed out because she was planning a big gala. Um, and she needed me to help do the seating charts for her and all that stuff. So we were gonna just brainstorm together.
But Christopher in his hospital bed did not stop crying even so much. And my mom's like, He needs you to feed him. And I was like, I already fed him. And she's like, Maybe he wants more And I was like, I refused for him to be on the bottle. You know, this whole like bottle breast thing, right?
Flo Speakman: Mm-hmm.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: While I was [00:29:00] sleeping at one point I woke up, I saw the nurse walk, walk in with a bottle that my mom had requested and found happening. And I was like, And she's like, because he's hungry. He keeps crying. You know what, nurse shift changed and the next nurse came in, assessed the baby's body, and found that this hard bandaid, Oh, they put the IV into his foot.
Flo Speakman: Mm-hmm.
Where the ankle is. The hard bandaid that was right here. Holding the thing in place was cutting into his skin.
Brandy Breth: Oh,
Abby Loreto Hamilton: And that's why the poor child was crying, not because he was hungry. And so anytime he did get a, like a tiny wink of, of sleep, it was still with excruciating pain,
Flo Speakman: Oh.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Anyway, so that whole, you know, the bottle thing was a thing and then the whole fever thing. So, But Christopher's still alive. [00:30:00]
Brandy Breth: Well, for anyone that would have that sort of experience, like, did you just have to take a breath and then know that it's okay. Like he ended up okay having the bottle and then he went back to breast, obviously, or what was that?
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Oh, I, I, I think we tried the bottle and he still wouldn't drink the Yeah,
Flo Speakman: I hear Sophia.
Brandy Breth: Yeah, I know. I'm gonna go, I know the monitors. I should have muted the monitor, but I'm gonna wake up the husband now.
Flo Speakman: Hey,
Brandy Breth: so talk amongst yourselves. I wanna keep recording. I know. Okay.
Flo Speakman: That's just, this is it, right? Like we're all moms and this is a thing and, and so, so Dr. Abby, like, this is such a neat experience. Did you, I guess I, I mean, I have some more, like, when did you get your PhD? Like how old were you? Was that when you, was it, were you like, were your kids young or like
Abby Loreto Hamilton: No. I just got it two years ago.
Flo Speakman: Oh my God, that's amazing.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: No, my kids were in. High school or college watching me do it. And then when they were in middle school, [00:31:00] high school, I was doing my masters.
Flo Speakman: Okay.
they observed, you know, the different things in my life that I've said, um, I'm going to, well, my daughter made this video of me on Mother's Day. And it, it said, you've always done what you said you were gonna do. You wanted to start a bible study and you started one, You started wanted to be a director of a Philippine dance group, and you became one you wanted to, and this you wanted to start a blog and you did. At that point, I had not done a Ted Talk. I had not written two books. I had not gotten my PhD. And she, they, the biggest thing you could do for your children is to do something for yourself and have them observe that and see it and get inspired.
Flo Speakman: That's awesome.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: And they now, yeah, they wear me like a badge on, on their, Oh,
Flo Speakman: I. I'm gonna wear you like a badge for the next couple weeks until we get your episode up, Man. You're like, you're amazing. your whole journey. Like just the TED talk and the books and, the idea of assertiveness I mean, everybody needs it, but that it's focused on a community that you wanna help, you know, culture and community [00:32:00] that you wanna help.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Yeah.
Flo Speakman: I don't know what the best word is, but that you just wanna help and it's, it's amazing. And that's awesome.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Yeah. But it's because I was there, you know, and the thing is, I see all the Filipino kids, all the second gens running around, you know, and,and first and one and a half Gens, and I'm like, Speak up, anak,
You know, like
Brandy Breth: mm-hmm.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: I, I see them suffer actually you have a family member, Brandy. in my book on the first, very first page of the first chapter. Do you know that ? These are people I will now. Yeah. Yeah. Your family member. I, I observed and she was my, um, muse for this entire book.
So yeah. We all need to speak up and, and I'm finding it's not just Filipinos, It's like you were saying Midwestern, military kids, cuz their parents are really strict, um, conservative parents. old fashioned black families. Mm-hmm. like children. You, you're seen and not heard. You know what I mean? Just hush up there and [00:33:00] interview. Mm-hmm. , right? Yeah. Um, that, so all of this is So
Brandy Breth: needed. It's connected, it's needed, it's connectedness. Um, cuz people can relate from all backgrounds. But then it's so ingrained in certain cultures.
Yes.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Yeah. Yeah. So crazy. Mm.
Flo Speakman: So now we we're, we're onto the third baby
Brandy Breth: want story.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: The third baby. they officially told me that, you will not be coming in today. so because I couldn't eat, I couldn't eat from the night before. right before you get induced, you're not supposed to eat.
So then they're like, Well in today, since you're not having a baby, you shall eat that food, which makes you the most happy on Earth. Olive Garden. So , you
Flo Speakman: have to call Olive Garden to get like sponsorship. That's funny.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: I love it. I love the, you watch my second TED talk or my first TED talk, Cuz the second TED talk is, it's got all garden breadsticks.
Mm-hmm. as a, Yeah.
Flo Speakman: Yes. Olive Garden bread sticks. That's the one that I was [00:34:00] watching. Yeah.
For the third child, he was supposed to be born on. May 22nd. And we told everybody, and thank God I didn't get a blanket with it embroidered on it or anything.
Brandy Breth: Oh my God.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: thank God I didn't because then he was not born on May 22nd. That was supposed to be the date. Everyone knew. May 22nd. May 22nd May. You know, everyone asks you. Right. Especially if they know you're getting induced. They're like, That is the date. Oh, okay. Yeah. Is to due date. Right. So, um, then I was May 23rd, I had Olive Garden, we went to bed, we woke up the next day he had a very, very, very thick umbilical cord, like a garden hose. My husband said.
Brandy Breth: Wow.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Yeah,
Brandy Breth: and I love that Mark can compare that because he had two kids already. . Yeah.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Yeah. He said the ones were just a quick snip, but then Ryan's was, like a garden hose. And then with, yeah, I can't even remember like what little outfit I brought bought for Ryan.
Flo Speakman: Poor Ryan
Brandy Breth: By the third. Were you, like, so you're talking outfits already. [00:35:00] Did you even have that prepared for your first and second?
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Yeah, we had,
Brandy Breth: Okay. Cause
Abby Loreto Hamilton: we had outfits. I had gone to every single consignment shop and bought anything that I thought was good. With Taylor, I had all the cutest outfits that I had bought at all those, sales and everything. So when we first brought her home, I had a fashion show with every single outfit. Like I'd put one on picture. Yeah. She's like, Don't forget to tell about the fashion show, but here's the thing, pictures, you have a little one and you know, if you're watching this and you're, you, you are about to have one. When Taylor was. two days old and she was home and I was doing this fashion show.
She wasn't like, you know, like cute little, she was . She always somehow put up a fist .
Brandy Breth: Oh wow.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: And she looked, I should show you apic. She
Brandy Breth: definitely, I'm totally gonna put that in our videos.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Eat you up. [00:36:00] I will beat you up .
Brandy Breth: Well, female power, so mess with me
Abby Loreto Hamilton: She is tough now she's tougher than I am. She's, she's, um, Oh, she is, She works at a middle school now, um, and in a, in a, a,
Flo Speakman: God bless her.
a low grade school or whatever you call that. So it's, the kids there are, are really rough and she has to be rough with them, you know? And so she'll be like, No, I told you. And I'm like, Mm. I was a middle school and high school teacher for 11 years, but I was never like that. So I, I'll listen to the way she talks to them and I'm like, Ooh, better her than me. So it all started, it,
Brandy Breth: It went into the assertiveness conversation.
Flo Speakman: Mm-hmm.
Brandy Breth: you know?
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Yes.
Brandy Breth: Those different,
Abby Loreto Hamilton: more than I maybe she learned through the fire, you know?
Brandy Breth: Uh, yes. Yeah. Dr. Abby. Yes. Mom , you definitely had to end in that. Oh. So, okay. So then when Ryan, [00:37:00] cuz he was obviously natural too birth and was there anything, any foods, Oh, it was the, it was the bread sticks.
Yeah. Yeah. I love this. You know this is going into the tiles. Yeah.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: The bread sticks will Olive garden will be his story. Yeah. But that was just because to distract me because we had to wait on whole entire day.
Brandy Breth: I know.
Here's another food story. When, when I read all those books from the library, they said that you should prepare casserole and prefreeze them so that when it's time for you to eat dinner, after you have the baby and you can't cook, you can just heat that up in the oven. So I, I'm not a casserole person, but I thought I found some that were like husband friendly because he's picky either. I found this one called Taco Casserole. I thought, Oh, isn't that nice Taco casserole? there's not like vegetables and things, fancy stuff in it. so then we had that, and I don't know if you guys know where I'm gonna go with this. Do you know where I'm gonna go with this? No.
Flo Speakman: Uh, I, but I'm, but I'm excited to [00:38:00] hear.
Brandy Breth: Well, when you said our vegetable taco and casserole, I kind of want Yeah, go ahead.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: So Taco casserole has taco seasoning in it, which can be spicy, which can cause gas. And it's not just mommy having gas. Mm-hmm.
Flo Speakman: baby
Abby Loreto Hamilton: and so when , it's not, you know, they're not the best tooters, they will get all those cramps and they will get all, you know, all, um, cranky. And so I remember my husband like, rocking Taylor going, You did this. What? Why would you do that? And I, he was like, Whoa. You know? And, and, um, and then let's just go into, let's go ahead into the conversation of postpartum.
Brandy Breth: Yes. That's straight. Good segue.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Yeah. I was, my husband's world. Happy wife, happy [00:39:00] life, right? It was us, me and him against the world. And then all of a sudden She was the apple of his eye.
Brandy Breth: Mm-hmm.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: It was all Taylor, the little Tay Tay. Um, and I would get jealous because like he'd cuddle with her during the football game on Sunday. You know, he would get mad at me for, for making the taco casserole, you know, like, um,
Brandy Breth: That you made for him. You thought of him, the taco casserole, right?
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Like she was not supposed to eat it. We were supposed to have it so that I would not have to worry about making dinner for him. And so then I was the enemy, you know, like, Hey, wait a second. So there were times that I would be like, all he cares about is her. And you know, I made that baby, I sacrificed for that baby. And, and I get no credit. You know, there was a lot of that kind of thing where I felt like you care more about her than me and, um, I [00:40:00] don't know if I like this very much. sometimes I'd just get quiet and he'd have to say what's wrong? And I would be like, You, you love her more? You know? Mm-hmm. not logical because Of course.
Brandy Breth: No, because we have hormones.
Flo Speakman: Hormones.
We just gave birth and it's like, yeah. It's like crazy talk. But yet for us, it's so real.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Yes,
Brandy Breth: so valid.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Yes.
Brandy Breth: Your experience.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Yeah. And, and even, and talking about the so real of hormones like. I've been married now 27 and a half years. Okay? So throughout that 27 and a half years, hormones would make me say something like, and I married you or , and I'm with you because, and I'm stuck with you because now we're married, or I can't believe I'm married to someone like that.
Brandy Breth: Mm, mm-hmm.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Yeah. Like really disgusting. Mm-hmm. like very evil thoughts, you know?
Brandy Breth: Mm-hmm.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: So I was able over time to say when he'd come in through the door, I'd be like, Stop [00:41:00] today. The, the sight of you. Is makes me sick and I know that you didn't do anything this today that you didn't do yesterday when I was madly in love with you because, so I just need you to turn around and close a door and don't come back in for 24 hours and tell the kids if they know what's good for them just to leave me alone for 24 hours.
And then the next day I was fine, but I had to verbalize that, so that I knew that I wasn't married to someone awful. Mm-hmm. , you know, and that, and he was, and like I would say things like, this is probably not a good thing , but like, have I been, have I been fooling myself all this time? That I'm actually married to someone good like these?
Brandy Breth: Mm-hmm.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Just really awful thoughts come through my mind.
Brandy Breth: Well, can I say that? Know their hormones it sounds like. Yeah. Yeah. The hormonal and Can I say that? And, okay. So the first thing is about how long into that was it like [00:42:00] right after the first baby? Second did it just, It's just like the constant state of like just having hormones, because I ask, sounds like either you took that towards Mark, whereas moms, I took it towards my kids.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Ooh.
Brandy Breth: As far as postpartum. So those awful thoughts or those crazy talk in your head.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Mm-hmm.
Brandy Breth: like, why did I have these damn kids? I'm never gonna have my career again. Oh, I love you so much here. You know, I love you so much. I so much. And then wait a minute, can I not have you for a couple days and have you come back?
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Wow.
Brandy Breth: So I'm, I'm just putting it together. As far as postpartum and hormones, I'm just observing. Like, did you take that on him?
Abby Loreto Hamilton: I don't know if they're postpartum. I know that even the hormone issues before I had children were
Brandy Breth: Okay.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Then with the postpartum it was just more extreme.
and then fast forward to like when they're, I don't know, when they're eight, 10, and 13 or whatever that you know, like,
Brandy Breth: Oh Lord,
Abby Loreto Hamilton: seven, 10 and 12.
Brandy Breth: Yeah.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: And we're at Disney and I [00:43:00] have a really bad mood swing, and I officially say, they said something, they asked me a question and I said, Ask God because he's your parent.
Flo Speakman: Ask God because he's your parent now.
Brandy Breth: And we bring it back to being Filipino. No kidding, . God has the answers. Right. Go pray on it.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Yeah. They were like, I mean, ask. , they said that I left them in Dinoland at Disney . but I, I didn't move, like I went somewhere and I, I don't know, I think I said I'll be here. And they didn't know where here was. And then when we got off their ride, the two older one, I don't remember. It was something like that. Yeah. Yeah. And I, and I was just starting to act psycho, not logical. So we ended up figuring that out. And actually it turned into, at [00:44:00] some point, finding out that, um, Having more issues. And see, I'll be the oldest person on your Delivery Diary, so I'll just give you a little, I'm older
than
Flo Speakman: you. Stop it. Stop it. Abby. No, I'm older. I'm Dr. Abby. I'm older than you.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Oh, okay, good. I don't think so. .
Flo Speakman: I had a baby at 41, so yeah.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: There we go. We found out that I had a D&C. they did a biopsy when they did the D&C and they found out I had pre-cancer cells, so I had to go in and have a hysterectomy. And they said during the hysterectomy we will take your uterus and test it to see if it's got full blown cancer or just traces cuz we have no indication of that until we can take. So they took it out.
Brandy Breth: Wow.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: They tested it. When I woke up, I was like, So what's the verdict? And they said, You only had small, you only had sections and we didn't have to take out your ovaries. So I kept my ovaries produced hormones for a few more years, and just officially this few months [00:45:00] ago, got three reports that I'm like, like rock bottom on my numbers on hormones. So we're trying the plant based bioidentity,
H R T, Yeah, yeah, yeah. The hormone replacement therapy. Yeah. I did that for six months. About six, seven months. So
Abby Loreto Hamilton: do you need to do it forever?
Flo Speakman: No, you actually can't do it. Oh, okay. Cool. Yeah, it's, it's not healthy. Well, at least that's what my doctor told me is that it's not healthy to do it for more than a couple of years. And I really only needed it to get me through like the worst part of the first part, of menopause. Cause I was having like 15 or 16, really bad hot flashes every day. And I was angry all the time and I was hungry all the time, which was weird. But anyway, that's, that's, that's the other end of the spectrum.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Different. It's not really that's in the different podcast. .
Brandy Breth: It's a different podcast. I know it a different episode.
But the D&C though, we just talked about that. Is that the dilation and
Flo Speakman: [00:46:00] andridge curettage, I don't know how to say that word.
Brandy Breth: D&C Mm-hmm. Is that what Abby? Yeah. D&C the dilation.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: She said that they were going to clean because after a certain amount of time it gets a gucky at there.
Brandy Breth: Mm-hmm.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: that they would clean some of the extra floating things out.
Brandy Breth: Yeah, we mentioned that in Flo's, episode too. Mm-hmm. , so we have that information up and then you had a hysterectomy.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: I did.
Brandy Breth: Can you just touch on that, because that is in, in the essence of, you know, what we create as, as motherhood, as title, women Can you just touch on, on that as much as you want?
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Yeah. I didn't feel like you had removed my, I had three wonderful children. I, um, to me it was not symbolic of anything other than fact. I was so thankful that I didn't have cancer spread and also thankful that I could still keep my ovaries. The cancer, I was thankful that we caught it before it would, had, had gotten more, I was concerned about the little, cuz they just [00:47:00] cut a few different holes in your tummy area, right?
Brandy Breth: Mm-hmm.
they do hysterectomies different ways. Mine was laparoscopic. This was really weird. What they do is they put the little straws in you and then they put their, their, their tools in, cut it up. Then once it's loose, they deliver it like a baby.
Brandy Breth: Oh wow. Okay.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Yeah. That was,
Flo Speakman: I did, I, I did not know that .
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Yeah. Cause it was like, how are you gonna bring this whole uterus up through this straw? You know, like mm-hmm. , they didn't cut me. They only did little slats to put the straw through. Does that make sense?
Brandy Breth: Mm-hmm. . Yeah.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: It's crazy. So, yeah. So then they delivered it the loose uterus like a baby. know, I've been checking to see if these funny scars would go away and they kind of have, but it's not like I'm gonna be wearing a bikini anytime soon. . my favorite thing is the fact that I just never had periods anymore.
Flo Speakman: Mm-hmm.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: never, [00:48:00] like, I forgot what it was. Like, this is kind of gross, but I actually went to the bathroom and I saw someone forgot to flush and I was like, Oh, we need to rush someone to the hospital, dare you. Reality. Like, what's going on? I, That's kind gross.
Brandy Breth: file. No, this is it. I mean, we're not even talking about placenta's yet. We did all that in the other conversations. This is like a lot of, and just to,
Abby Loreto Hamilton: That's so hard that was so, that was worse than delivery. Delivering the place.
Brandy Breth: Say more about that for you, Your experience?
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Yes. The after, right? Yeah. The after
Flo Speakman: the after birth. Yeah.
Brandy Breth: Well, can you talk more? We haven't talked about that yet in an episode.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: That was so hard with Taylor, I remember specifically like, they're like, You're done. And I was like, Yay. And then they said, now you have to deliver the after birth. And I was like, What? And it was [00:49:00] maybe stuck in a section that made you feel like there's no relief whatsoever. You will not get relief. Um, let's just stay here in this pain for awhile. Oh shit. I was stuck it back in.
Brandy Breth: So I had a I two C-section, so I don't know this. So then for listeners and viewers listening and watching,
Abby Loreto Hamilton: so imagine, I guess, Yeah, it's, it's like a giving birth again. Exactly. At least in my case. Cuz I was like, do I keep pushing it? Do I keep, Oh, put it back in. Like it's, it's in limbo with here and it's, I'm not Okay. Right now. No one told me about, And you know what? They probably did, but I didn't really listen during little, You know what?
Brandy Breth: I'm not surprised. They probably didn't cuz this is why Delivery Diaries exist. Oh, okay. So for someone hearing this for the first time, you know, um, yeah, you have something, I mean, cuz it doesn't just [00:50:00] fall, could it fall out sometimes for people? Is it just different? I don't, people I don't know either. I mean, Flo. Did you,
Flo Speakman: I mean, for me it was, it was very quick after, After she was, Yeah, just came out. It was, it was within 10 minutes and it was like one contraction and it was done. But I've heard of like different partial, like, like sometimes the, I guess sometimes it breaks. So you only get part of it out and then they have to, to deal with that. Yeah. No, there's a, there's a lot of different, different things that happen, but it is pretty crazy. I mean,
Brandy Breth: so was it, so was it different for all three births, Abby? Oh, the placenta
Abby Loreto Hamilton: have to ask part of, You'll have to ask a version of me that remembers things.
Oh,
Brandy Breth: no, that's fine. That's totally why the brain does what it does for us. We're in the forget file, which is fine. forget. Fine. I think the, the
Abby Loreto Hamilton: right we're made that way. Hold, That's this thing about that. Hold on. The, um, mm-hmm. . Oh, no one telling me. Okay, so I wanna say this. I went to lamaze class. the one from the hospital that you're supposed to do [00:51:00] for your insurance or whatever, because they want you to check the box that you have done Lamas classes. So what the doctor says, this is what you do, You go to the Lamas class, you find a date that you. and we took notes. Of course, we spent the whole entire time judging and up and downing the other couples and things like that. Like everyone always does .
Brandy Breth: Oh, totally. Brian was worse than me. Yeah, go ahead.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: And, um, I didn't remember any of that stuff. You know, that he, he who, you know, the breathing. So I had this one nurse, she's looking at me like holding my, my face. Like, Did you not go to Lama's classes? And I was like, Yes. So what does have anything to do with right now? And she's like, Oh my gosh, okay. And she goes, do this. And she was like, she, she was like, and I did it with her. She's like, Do it again. You know, And I was [00:52:00] like, That was good. You know, that actually worked. Yes. Why did they do that? And is, um, and so whoever that lady was, you know how the, they're all a blur, right? The nurses in the hospital.
Brandy Breth: Well, she always remember that one. Yes. You had one. You always remember that one nurse or that one.
Flo Speakman: It's usually the one that's built you, you know?
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Yeah, I know
Brandy Breth: Mean? Oh, I I was at the one that was not mean. That was like, I don't remember their name, but I'm like,
Abby Loreto Hamilton: You don't remember their yeah. Yeah. They like the,
Brandy Breth: That's their job.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Unfaced Angels. Yeah. Yeah.
Brandy Breth: That's their job
So for Christopher, we decided to go to one of these, like, I think she must have been a doula. She did it at her house and she had, um, little babies for all of us, and she, we all sat in crisscross applesauce on the floor, on her carpet, and we, like, it was, She had oils in the diffuser and the mood lighting, and she's like, Let's all come together. You know? And she even, [00:53:00] she even taught us things like, you don't have to fold towels if you're a mother who's just trying to survive, throw the towels in a basket if someone needs, when they can grab one. You don't have to, you know, like little life hacks and mm-hmm. just made us happy. And so yeah, lamaze don't just go to the one the doctor tells you to go because that's what, cuz you don't know otherwise. Check out other options. It might cost a little bit more, but I mean, isn't it worth it? And this is your life that you're learning, you know, this is your life as a parent that you're taking seriously too.
Brandy Breth: And that's why the resources were just committed to having to be more available to us. Not in just our society, but in the conversation because, Well, 1994 was it, Or I'm sorry. 1997. Thank you. And that's still the conversation to right now is put the laundry down, put the dishes away. You don't need to do that right now, just be [00:54:00] with your baby. It's, it's like a cycle. I don't even know if that makes sense, but it's a constant reminder until it's embedded in our, in our society, I guess. Does that make sense? Right.
Flo Speakman: It does make sense.
Brandy Breth: Be you to talk. Yeah. Yeah.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Yeah. And that's what my advice . Would be too, because, um, I was the organized to-do list person.
when I had a wedding, my wedding, my binder was so thick with dividers.
Brandy Breth: Oh, I'm gonna compare my binder to your binder. Our Libra side is like, Yes. Our le the binder with tabs.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Yes. With tabs. Exactly. And, and, um, sheet protectors that you would put all the contracts in and things. That's so, um, so. I always felt that to be a good mother, I must do the right things. I must raise my children to do the right things. No, no, no. Don't lie on your right side. Lie on your left side, or something ridiculous like that. You know, like you read all the books so you know [00:55:00] how your baby must sleep, how your baby must eat, how your baby must cry, you know, like tilt their head, you know, breathe oxygen, whatever it is. You, you check the boxes and everything is just as it should be. And so, um, one of the questions you had on the email was something like, what advice would you have for, um, for other mothers? I think that, um, just something we said made me think of this, look at your child as a human being and observe them. Let them move and be curious in the way that you observe them. Don't just look at what they need to fix to fit your checklist. Observe them and be open-minded about the way they move in the future when they're 20 something, the decisions they [00:56:00] make, the how messy see their car is. Because like that was a big thing with my mom.
She was always like, Clean your car. I'm like, Let me be, you know? And so with your children from a young, young age and let them be and just be curious and say, Wow, that's an interesting way to do that. Or there's something in that little brain of yours that made you think that putting that there was the right thing to do and I love. I wonder what made that happen? I wonder what made you think, I don't know. That your donut goes on the toilet
Brandy Breth: I love that. Uh, it's, whereas you were our parents, we were like that donut . Yeah.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: The,
Brandy Breth: the donut. You know, that's disgusting Yeah,
Abby Loreto Hamilton: of course it's not, it doesn't fit the checklist. Um, Hassan, do you know
Brandy Breth: him? Yeah. Yeah.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: The comedian, I smell with [00:57:00] new comedy, um, special on Netflix. I love him so much. And when this one came out, I heard it, and I was like, What? And I listened to it. I should have listened it to it twice cuz it was so good. He has baby now. he was talking about something like, you are the second gen. You shall you make your own decisions, you will decide on. You are the second shit, you know, like, it, it's, um, yeah, so real,
Brandy Breth: breaking generational curses. being a Filipino American, raised in, um, that home and that culture. how did thatimpact in a good way or not so good way, but mostly how was that positive or how did that impact you raising your kids
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Um, gosh, there's a lot there. Okay. So how did being raised in a Filipino household, um, okay. So I know that being raised by my parents Bishop Bishop, [00:58:00] Loreto Doctura you know? Mm-hmm. that we learned, and your family's like this too. There are ways to be proper, There are ways to appear, there are ways to do the right thing to greet people and make them feel wonderful. Respect. Mano Po.
Brandy Breth: The elders. Yes.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Offer the food you want. Carry a box for them, right? That's a big one, right? Mm-hmm. , carry the box for your Tita.. . So I knew how to do that, but I, became a prisoner to it where there was no thinking for myself. it was when I went into the work world, and I talk about this on my TEDx talk when I went into the work world and I started to become someone who has to make decisions. I, I found myself saying I would, I would hold my hand like, like this. Yeah. Praying hands. You're the boss. I'll do whatever you're saying. Until one day when I was like, No, she's human [00:59:00] too. She doesn't necessarily know why it can't be that way. So I spoke up and then when I started to really like, think about how I spoke up, I started to feel like I need to find my own power, find my own, my own independent, my own confidence, and mm-hmm. , Brandy, you know, the Filipino community that I grew up too. that will just squish you into Little Abigail. You do not know Abigail. Do it like this. I remember somebody's like, Abigail, better to do it like this. And I was like, hold on, let me see. I am, I've only been helping Tita with Santa Cruzan since I was like, What? 16? That means I've been doing Santa Cruz for about mm, I don't know, 26 years at this point. So, uh, thank you. Thank you. I
Brandy Breth: Thanks Tita
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Yes Tita, Yes Tito, thank you.
Brandy Breth: It's a Filipino festival Flo.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: It was like this. Thank you. We're going to do it [01:00:00] like this.
Brandy Breth: And how polite. You said that ? Yeah, I said that so politely. Respectfully.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: So in finding this power, I felt so free Mm, mm-hmm. like I could be and,
Brandy Breth: and her reaction was probably like, Okay,
Two options. One is like, oh yes. Mm-hmm. , Abi knows. Or can you imagine Abigail said no, You know, like , I, she thinks she is, but you know, you know, like talking and eating and like Yeah. She thinks she runs the world, huh? You know, I don't think mm-hmm. . Yeah. And I don't care at this point. I take it through every single time. Mm-hmm. , someone's gonna do that. And did I know, do I know all the information to make the best decision? Yes, I surely do at this point cuz I'm 50 and I know, and I it , right?
Brandy Breth: And you own it
Abby Loreto Hamilton: And I own it.[01:01:00] now I realize that I am smart and I bring value with my own ideas. So, uh, I had to break out of that and find my own freedom. And that's what I'm telling everybody too. I will tell you this though. I don't know if this is where you wanted me to go with this, but it's about our children too, right?
Mm-hmm. . So I thought that I raised my children to be completely free. But I didn't. Now that they're in their twenties, I'm realizing I did still raise them with a little bit of that whole, This is how I did it. My mom would, You would say, Oh, do not wear that to Barrio fiesta. Everyone will say something. Right? Or not, Maybe not that forward, but they'll say you're going to wear that in a, Oh yeah. The pass Barrio Feista is where all decisions get made on whether you're valuable or worth, worth, anything in the world. Right? All the Titos and Titas will see you that they haven't seen you for a whole entire year or whatever, and they'll say, Oh, I did that. No, she's like that. [01:02:00] And then that's it. Definition happens that day. Yeah. Your Wikipedia happens that day. Right?
Brandy Breth: Embedded forever.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: So I remember I told my daughter she wanted to wear something that was kind of like, maybe I don't know that too plain. And I said, I'm not gonna tell her she can't wear it. No, I'm gonna say something like, I'm not gonna say what will people think cuz I'm not like that. I said it like this. Oh, Taylor, you know what makes me so sick? People at Barrio Fiesta, they're so judgey and if you wear that, the sad, sad thing is they're going to think awful things of you and you and I know that's not true. So I want them to know what's true about you. So maybe you could wear that other thing.
Brandy Breth: Wow. You did it like the Dr. Abby Way,
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Dr. Abby manipulation, spiel, , [01:03:00] and yes. Convinced myself.
Brandy Breth: Wow.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: And then actually Taylor's in my book and she shared something about when she was told to dress or act a certain way, she felt she was not free to be herself. That your story, I had to put that to my, that was, Yeah. Anyway, It's true. And I'm, I'm learning now, like my kids, it makes them sick the thought of telling me something that would make me be like, Ryan, why? They would rather just not tell me and what kind of relationship is that? So I'm like,
Flo Speakman: It's hard.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: We all screw up. Tell me I'm good. We're all human. if you wanna share something or if you're going through something, don't ever feel like you can't tell me, because I'll be disappointed in you. I love you so much and maybe I will feel sad if something happens, but we're in this [01:04:00] together. Mm-hmm. . And the thing is, I, it's, it's very late right now in my children's lives for me to go back and erase the things I've said to them about, you should live a certain way. Or the things I've made clear as expectations.
I told Ryan, Ryan, you're old enough now you or don't have to earn mommy points. If you wanna move Timbuktu and it's far from me, and you have a great opportunity there.Like, you know, like you're gonna have to really decide whether you like the mommy points of more than what you wanted. And so don't be imprisoned by that. because I don't want you to suffer because of what you think that I want of you.So you have to weigh Yeah, like balance. let's say for example, if you have a young child and you say, I really don't wanna make up early on a Saturday morning to take my child to tee-ball, I really don't. Mm-hmm. . But more than what you don't want, you want your child to experience the joy of tee-ball. So you do what you don't [01:05:00] want because of something you want more. with my kids, I'm like, you need to evaluate. Whether you're, you're putting mommy points over what you really want or do you want the mommy points more? It's very complicated, but we need to get to that conversation cause there's some undoing we have to do. So your children are still young. Find that happy balance where they can say, Hey mom, you know, I didn't wanna study for a test and I didn't and I failed.
Brandy Breth: I love this conversation. Yeah. Because I, I specifically wanted to have moms that have older kids and I mean, obviously you have to recollect, go back, you know, your birthing experience, but to have this wisdom to come and into play for moms that have younger kids so we can start working on either our path or ourselves so we can start practicing how to put these, implement these practices with our young children to when they're older. Yeah. As if you're, you're seeing it now or when, Does that make sense?
Flo Speakman: It makes perfect sense. And I'm gonna interject a little [01:06:00] bit here cuz I think Dr. Abby, what you're talking about is agency is, an individual human being's ability to make their own decisions. Mm-hmm. . Um, and in our family now we only have one child, which makes it way easier.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Mm-hmm.
Flo Speakman: And in our family, it's always been progressive agency. That's what we're trying to do. We're not perfect. Right.
What do you mean? But like, Uh, like when she was two, you give her a choice between this and this and she gets to choose And now like she dresses herself. and there are some things my 12 year old I'm very uncomfortable with mm-hmm. in terms of like the makeup that she wears or the this, that she does, or, or, because I remember when I was a kid, in seventh grade when the girl who wore all the makeup, like what she was, it's my own internal crap. Right. And I think that may be a little bit of what you're talking about. And it's, it's fascinating just the progression cuz it is good to hear like you're opened up to your adult children and being like, Hey, don't, think of me like when you were a teenager or when you were younger and when I, how I [01:07:00] was then this is how I am now and I just want you to go live your life.
And, and I think that's beautiful and I think it, it also shows like we can grow at any point in our lives. Mm-hmm. , you know, when Brandy was gone taking care of, Sophia, Brandy, I asked Dr. Abby when she got her PhD cause I figured she got it like when her kids weren't small and it's only been in the past couple years and it's, it's like mm-hmm. And the thing that she said was like, The best thing you can do for your kids is do something for yourself. And, and I think that's true from the day that they're born until the day that, that you are no longer in there, you know, until you, you go to the great beyond to whatever's next. It's just, yeah. It's amazing. You're amazing. Dr. Abby .
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Thank you. I wanna to become, I wanna say, oh, someone said this to me and it is the best thing that ever heard and I only heard it after my daughter had already started college. they say that when your child goes off to be an adult or go to college or wherever, they're stepping over crossing the threshold or whatever [01:08:00] you can say to yourself that up until that point you were the captain of the ship. And when they cross over, you are the lighthouse on the shore. Mm. Which means you may see them go in the wrong direction and you can, you can blink your light as much as you need, but only when they come to look for you is when you have a role.
So that made me cry so hard. Right now,
Brandy Breth: I usually have the tissues right next to me.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: So yeah. Thank you for sharing that. Yeah, it, it's hard. And I, my thing now is now that they're grownups, I don't interject anything on their lives because they're grownups. Unless it's my son who's still living home and he's gonna put something in my sink, my sink, you know, You know what I mean? But he's totally fine. Um, but if anything they wanna do, and I mean, I don't know if you've seen my daughter's, um, hair, but it's the color of a stop sign. Think color of a fire engine. The [01:09:00] color of the YouTube logo. Okay? So and she wears the brightest, craziest makeup. But here's the thing, all we can do at this point is just observe and like with that curiosity, like, oh, because it's not our ship to, to, to steer mm-hmm. . I'll tell you this. My mother and I got into a point where I had three kids, I think I was probably in my late thirties. She was still trying to interject on everything in my life and I had to draw boundary and it was really hard for you years that I just, I, I spoke very cordial to her.
Like, Well, that's great mom. Well, you have a great evening. Okay, Goodbye. Not like close, close, close like we used to because I put my heart out on the chopping board every single time I got close to her. And she would just kill me with any comment she'd make about living my life. Mm-hmm. And so now I say nothing. [01:10:00] if my child puts something on and says, I think this looks good, they have a brain. If that's truly in all their judgment, what they think looks good, then I, I will not say, Well, what on earth were you thinking? but if they say, I think this looks good, and I don't think it looks good, it's their life.
Brandy Breth: Mm-hmm.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: That is a big thing. And also this is my, my last thing, but this is my big speak up anak for young parents of young children. One of the best things I ever did for my children was when they were younger. And I don't know how I came up with it. I think it's, when I was teaching middle school and high school, I knew that there were a lot of kids who were like, so quiet.
Like it was painful to talk. So, um, my kids at age like three, six, and eight. Uh, take them to my mom's house on the way there, I'd say we're going to Mama's house. Tita Bett is gonna be there, Mama's gonna be there, and Uncle Eugene's gonna be there. So make sure you ask each three of them three questions about themselves. they call it your [01:11:00] threes. Did you do your threes? so my story is this. Ryan would go up to Mama and say, Hi, mama. Oh, hi Ryan. How are you? Mm-hmm. my, my grandchild. And then, um, um, mama. Um, what did you have for lunch today?
Oh, Ryan, you want know ? Oh, it's delicious. Have you had sinigang it's, Oh, wonderful dish. You should taste it. Have you had it? It was so good. And then, in Ryan's mind, he was just thinking he was doing his threes, but he got to then experience the power he has to make someone so happy. And then he had two more questions. And can you imagine like in that moment, maybe this was my intention? Can you imagine all the brownie points that were happening during that conversation? What's going on? like, she's like, I will give you the world. I will sponsor your college. You want a new car that's all happening? Like you Oh, [01:12:00] Ryan is so good.
He had to ask us three questions and he got in, out and done. But all of that goodness started happening. And now my kids ages 20, 23, 25, actually in high school they could work a room. They would go around high school, meet everybody, ask their teacher, So how's your weekend? And you know, like, Did you guys see that?
Brandy Breth: That's so great.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Totally small talk with the principal of the school. Mm-hmm. and then in college, same thing. To the point where when I showed up at a high school, they'd be like, Oh my gosh, are you Christopher and Taylor and Ryan's mom, , we love your children. Like,
Brandy Breth: Yes, Yes. So mommy and daddy win.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Yes. And the same thing with college. I showed up on that college campus. They're like, Cuz my two kids went to the same college dealing Christophers mom, we love your kids. Same thing. So, um, Start early because I work with youth now and I wish I could just rewind and go back to when they were [01:13:00] really, really, Mm, Do it now.
Thank you. we are gonna wrap up because I have my two year olds getting restless. It's some, my two year old it's me. I know.
Brandy Breth: It's my thought. Your two year old. And my dog, I
Abby Loreto Hamilton: know . He's, he's, he's
Flo Speakman: sequestered and he's not happy about it.
. Um, so lo, anything for you before we wrap up? Cause I
Flo Speakman: mean, I've been unusually quiet. I don't know, I don't know Dr.
Abby, if you listen to any of our other podcasts, cuz I'm very loud and I'm a know-it-all. But this is, you know, for me, this is sitting in honor of Filipino American and I am clearly not Filipino anything other than I really like Ube, which, you know, um, so I'm just absorbing all of your knowledge and your, you're just, you're just amazing and I just am really appreciative of you being here and, and giving us your time. So
Abby Loreto Hamilton: thank you. This is such a great idea, guys. Keep it going. It's so needed.
Brandy Breth: Thank you. I appreciate that and everything that, Flo said and it is an honor to introduce you two as well and to put, [01:14:00] bring more people in my life to you Flo And for you to get to know. Um, so because you have three kids, we're just gonna do a lightning round , I did this with flow too, when I got this idea. So one word to describe each of your children. Oh. So we'll start with the oldest, of course. One word to describe Taylor. Oh. And this is inside of acknowledgement for you as a mother, Filipino American mother, and of course with Mark, your husband dad. So that's why I just wanted to bring that into light.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Mm. I just, maybe it's cuz of her hair, but the first word that I think of is fire.
Brandy Breth: Just the fist, the baby fist.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Fire. Fire with everything. She's on fire. She's awesome.
Brandy Breth: Hmm. Christopher? Middle child. Oh,
Abby Loreto Hamilton: um hmm. Charm. Yeah. Wait till you ever meet him, man. [01:15:00] He, You'll be putty in his hand. That's why he's in sales. Mm. Putty sale. Uh, charm. Yes. All the way.
Brandy Breth: Great. And Ryan?
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Oh gosh. Ryan. I would say just, um, can I say two words? Oozing care, like he just cares with all his heart about people and others and. Yeah, he's just oozing care. If there's a word for that.
Brandy Breth: Thank you. Thank you, Abby.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: Thank you.
Brandy Breth: And, um, That's it. That's really it. And I appreciate you. I, I love you.
Abby Loreto Hamilton: I love you too.
Yes. Thank you. Yeah. Bye bye.
Flo Speakman: Thank you.
